You walk into your dojo, take off your shoes, bow at the mats and place your bags down, greeting all the familiar faces. You had a long day at work and almost had to convince yourself to come, but now that you’re finally here you feel ready to work hard. You have a laugh with your friend who you accidentally kicked in the groin the other day, who admits it’s probably just payback for that other time.
You notice someone you haven’t seen before. They stand quietly at the side of the room watching the classes, avoiding eye contact with people. They’re wearing active wear and joggers, perhaps with a pair of Everlast bag gloves they got down at the local sport store. They’re probably new here, you tell yourself.
How many times have you been in a situation similar to that?
I can recall dozens. It’s a situation I see very often, both inside and outside of the dojo.
Everyone was that new person, once upon a time. Some people are blessed with the comfort of being extroverted, or simply not being interested in social interactions. But I think most people can relate, to some degree. For some of us, it requires a moment of courage to even sign up for our first trial.
We who are comfortable, at home and amongst friends in the dojo, I think have a great opportunity to say hello to those new people – not all the time, but as often as your mood permits.
Why bother saying hello?
Martial arts, in most contexts that exist today, is largely a social activity. You’re in a class full of students, with instructors, or even just one training partner. There is much that you can do alone, but the most learning comes when you are with others.
You want your dojo to be filled with the most hardworking, inspiring, skillful, friendly and humble people that you can find. For many of us, our dojo partners become our second family. Give as many people as possible a chance to become a part of that family, by making them comfortable as soon as they walk in. After all, getting people to walk into that door the first time is often the hardest part.
I have much respect for martial arts which encourage respect for others as well as yourself. A simple greeting to a fellow student is also a simple way of showing respect.
Why does it matter to them?
Here are some (completely non-statistically proven) things that I think will come out of saying hello to a new person:
1. They will start to relax a bit
It’s possible this person was on edge before you talked to them. Perhaps they were really nervous about their first lesson, in a new place. Perhaps they’re intimidated by all the fit people around them and their own fitness, the stench of dojo mat sweat, or the various yells around the room (depending on your art).
Having someone approach you in a friendly matter can instantly change peoples’ body language. One example that comes to mind was back when I did dance classes – a new kid (who went on to be one of our state’s best dancers) was there for his first lesson, signed in at reception and stood to the side with his arms crossed. I simply asked his name, and his arms immediately lowered and he came to sit next to me on the ground.
2. They will feel like they know someone
Most people who aren’t super extroverted will immediately feel more at ease in a new place when they know someone there. You all know the feeling, when you’re at a party and recognise someone you know. Ah! You would immediately make a beeline for them. They are your comfort zone.
This feeling can come on as soon as you meet someone, if you connect well. It also means that if they do happen to return, they will have someone to talk to if they’re not at the point of introducing themselves to others yet.
3. They have someone they can ask questions
You have opened yourself up to them. They will likely feel like they can ask you questions about the dojo, or martial arts, or how to do a certain technique during class. It is even better for them if you were to offer to be their partner, and there are still many pros related to training with a less experienced person (which I shall discuss in a later article).
4. They are more likely to come back
This is the real goal. We want people to come back to the dojo, if it is right for them. Martial arts is not right for everyone, but I’m sure there are people out there who tried it, and would have stuck around, if not for getting uncomfortable and feeling out of place on their first day. I want peoples’ reasons for not coming back to be founded on something more substantial than that.
What should I say?
It honestly doesn’t matter what kind of conversation you have with the person, as the main goal is to make them feel more comfortable and welcomed. But I always like to use this as an opportunity to find out peoples’ backgrounds and the real reason why they came in. I’ve heard some very interesting, and also some very sad stories. These can all enrich you as a person and open your eyes to reality. We are really lucky to have an outlet such as martial arts, and finding out the motivation for other people can be really insightful.
If you are, like me, quite unimaginative with your conversation starters, you can stick with the basics:
- I haven’t seen you around here before. I’m <Bob>.
- Are you new here?
- Have you done anything like this before?
- How did you find out about this place?
- What made you feel like trying it out?
And also:
1. Remember their name, and use it
This is a small but effective gesture that shows you care.
2. Introduce them to someone else
Knowing two people is even better than knowing one! This also indirectly encourages the other person to welcome new people when they come through, carrying on the chain of welcome.
3. Tell them what you think about the dojo
Tell them what you like about the dojo, or dislike, and be honest. If you’re a regular there then you probably like the place. I try to give gratitude openly to those who deserve it, and if the dojo is a good place then I will gladly compliment the dojo in front of others.
4. Tell them how martial arts has changed your life
This is a sharing session for you as much as it is for them, and you can really show them the endless benefits, and also challenges, of training in martial arts.
5. Ask them how they went
I think this one’s quite important. Ask them how they went, immediately after the class. This shows that you remember them and care enough to ask how they feel. You will also quickly get a sense of whether they might return or not. If not, you can potentially see what they didn’t like so that you can pass it on to the instructor. You can also encourage them subtly when you say goodbye, using a good old “hopefully I’ll see you next week!”.
You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain
So say hello to new people, when your mood permits. I don’t do it all the time, and sometimes I do wish that I had. This article is a good reminder to myself to do this more often.
At the very worst, you’ll have a quick chat and then move on with your day.
At the very best, you could make a lifelong friend and training partner, or you could be one important step in another person’s martial arts journey.
Osu.
- Returning to Martial Arts After Life Gets in the Way: An Introspective Look at the Negative Thoughts Which Held Me Back - January 10, 2019
- Welcoming the New Kid - June 30, 2018
Hey great article. I especially like the point of introducing a new student to other people. I think students don’t think of themselves as “part of the sale”. Sometimes they think the instructor will handle all the friendly stuff, so they won’t have to worry about it. Nothing worse that being greeted warmly by a teacher but not the students. Thanks!
Thanks Louie! Agreed, your peers are just as important as your teachers when it comes to building a welcoming environment. I feel if a place generally has a good culture then you can feel it as soon as you walk in.