Spoiler-Free Review!!

How to Watch: Dig to the bottom of that box of VCR tapes in your mom’s basement (or head to the library; it doesn’t seem to be available through any streaming service)

Runtime: 1 h 33 min

Language: English

Director: Steve Barron

Writers: Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird

Rating: PG

Release date: March 30, 1990

Genre: Action/Adventure/Comedy, Family Friendly

For more details on this film, visit IMDB.

The Suits Are Rubber, But The Martial Arts Are Real

As the Martial Journal editorial staff chose the movies to review this month, I took one look at the list and knew my pick: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I saw this movie in 1990 in the theater with my two younger brothers, who were smitten with the turtles. Jonathan’s favorite was Leonardo. Anthony’s was Michelangelo. I was Team Raph. (Sorry, Donny.) We were not yet teenagers ourselves, but we loved pizza, ninjas were obviously awesome, and we were going through a phase in which every other word was “cowabunga.” (Sorry, Mom.)

I was excited to rewatch it with my nine-year-old son, who trains in karate and jujitsu, but I was also a little nervous: Would he think it was funny? Would the fight scenes look ridiculous in the cold, unforgiving light of 2019? What was the plot of this movie again, anyway?

The short answers are yes, no, and it doesn’t really matter. For more, read on.

Movie Review: 5/10

The Good:

Let’s just get it out of the way: If you were a child of the ’80s or ’90s, the digitized music, decade-specific fashion, and gritty street shots of the pre-Giuliani New York are cause for nostalgic glee. I was also giddy over the portrayal of the Foot Clan lair when we’re first introduced to it: there’s gambling, cartons of cigarettes, graffiti, arcade games, almost no one over 18…and MC Hammer music! I mean, who wouldn’t want to hang out there?

In short, this movie is just fun to watch because it’s so rooted in a particular place, in a particular time. The turtles are lovable brothers in arms, and there are some fun ninja combat scenes. It’s one of the few martial arts movies that is truly family-friendly. Additionally, with the turtles making a little bit of a comeback in the last few years, your kids will actually know who these characters are. So it’s not a hard sell if you’re looking for something appropriate for family movie night.

The Bad:

The acting is not very good and neither is the writing. Your kids probably won’t notice, but you’ll roll your eyes more than once. With the exception of Corey Feldman as the voice of Donatello and a very young Sam Rockwell as the “Head Thug,” no one is recognizable or very memorable. Even as a kid I remember thinking they picked the wrong girl to play April O’Neil. The only real chemistry is between the turtles and their beloved Splinter (who looks like a Muppet but is wise and shows more emotion than any of the human characters).

There are also a few things that gave me pause as an adult, that I didn’t pick up on as a kid, and are especially problematic in the modern world:

(1) April’s boss at the newspaper, Charles Pennington, shows up at her house early in the morning. He does this unannounced on several occasions, stands there while she’s getting ready for work and argues with her, and also brings his teen son with him (who sits bored in her kitchen). Can we just pause for a sec and think about this? I don’t remember it being OK for males in power positions to show up at the private residences of their young female employees in 1990 to talk shop. I mean, whatever he had to say couldn’t wait 20 more minutes for her to get to the office? So why is this weird, possessive, stalkery behavior completely normalized in this script?

(2) The “Asian dialect” is cringeworthy in spots (e.g., “I deriver you a message.”).

(3) Casey Jones slides in a homophobic joke. (When the turtles accuse him of being claustrophobic underground, he thinks they’re insinuating something else.) Besides just being illogical, the moment is so stupid and unnecessary that it felt like the scriptwriters were trying to provoke cheap laughs from the Dad Bros taking their sons to the movies. Not cool. The moment passes very quickly and my kids didn’t even pick up on what had happened, which was just as well.

Finally, when the movie was over, my son pointed out kind of a huge plot hole. He got the historic feud between Yoshi and Oroko Saki, but what did that have to do with stealing things in New York? He wanted more backstory on Shredder: how he ended up in America, how he started the Foot Clan, and why their M.O. was petty crime. The character arc was not clear for him.

Martial Arts Review: 8/10

The Good:

Honestly, what saves this movie is its martial arts. I have to give props to the actors in the turtle suits. Despite the rubber costumes, their techniques are pretty solid: a round kick is clearly a round kick, there are some legit judo throws, and they make use of a lot of the basic techniques (like back fists and sidekicks) that kids in martial arts will recognize and appreciate. There’s a pretty sweet chuck-off between Michelangelo and one of the Foot Clansmen, too.

But more than the physical techniques, I appreciated this movie because of the true martial arts philosophy it reinforces. Splinter the rat, the turtles’ adoptive father and sensei, offers his sons bits of very important wisdom. These are exactly the types of lessons in self-control and self-discipline we send our kids to the dojo to learn. “Anger clouds the mind.” “Ultimate mastery comes not from the body but from the mind.” “Possess the right thinking. Only then can one receive the gifts of strength, knowledge, and peace.”

The Bad:

While acknowledging the limitations of cinematography in 1990, as well as the mystique of the ninjas, I was a little frustrated by the number of times the fight scenes happened under the cover of smoke or darkness. My son voiced the same disappointment. In fact, the very first “fight” sequence is completely dark. It just would have been cool to see a little more technique and to see the turtles working together.

Overall Rating: 6.5/10

I think the success of the original TMNT lies in the fact that it reinforces the values of the martial arts community. Also, it’s cool for our kids to hear these ideas coming from licensed characters. Watch it again with them because it’s fun and because it can open up some conversations about applying what they hear in the dojo to real life.

What are your memories of the original TMNT? Does it stand up to time? Let us know what you think in the comments below.