Some days, I really struggle to remember why I do Krav Maga. I really love Aquacyling and water Zumba, and I’m struggling with getting back to training after an injury. Why do I put myself through the stress? Then I remember why I fell in love in the first place.
Three years ago, I was sitting on the B49 bus in Brooklyn, recounting the previous day’s events to my grandfather. Suddenly, I heard gunshots, really loud and coming fast. I dove under the desk. Unfortunately, that would be concealment but not coverage, so I would still be vulnerable to bullets.”
I heard a few gasps around me. I quickly realized that maybe I should stop talking about the counter-terrorism seminar before I incite panic or an investigation by Homeland Security.
That day, I faced a simulated scenario that came straight out of my worst nightmares. I crouched behind a desk, my ears ringing with the sounds of shooting. A few feet away, an armed assailant had a rifle trained on a crowd of people, mercilessly picking them off. Yes, the “shooter” was actually my Krav Maga instructor, and the guns were fake, but it felt disturbingly real.
My heart pounded as I mentally pretended to call 911, silence my phone and leave it on and hope the police got the message.
In the crowd of victims were friends of mine, and I realized that if this had been real, I could not do anything to save them. I didn’t even know if I could save myself. There was no way past the shooter to the exit and my shelter provided concealment but was quite vulnerable to bullets. All I could hope is that the shooter didn’t notice me or ran out of bullets and that I didn’t get killed in the crossfire. As I crouched there, I had this overwhelming feeling of helplessness. I was trapped.
Do I really think it could happen to me?
No, I’m fairly confident the odds are in my favor it will remain theoretical. As dramatic and terrifying as mass shootings are when we watch them on the news, they are incredibly rare.
In 2016, of a US population of 322 million people, there were approximately 14,000 overall homicides, giving me a probability of 0.00004% of being murdered by a fellow human being. I am more than 200,000 times more likely to die of medical malpractice (1 in 10!)
As for guns, as terrible as mass shootings are, they are still only 1.2% of gun deaths, as compared to 58.9% being suicides.
So why would I spend a Sunday this month in such a seminar, and not use the time to dance the morning away?
I don’t go to them in order to disarm terrorists, since I’m not law enforcement. While I hope I can rise to any occasion, I’m not looking to be a hero. I just want to get home safe.
I go to these seminars, in order to disarm the freeze mode in my mind for the ordinary emergencies of life, such as illness, natural disasters, or accidents. Most of our seminar time isn’t about bringing nightmares to life but learning through games and drills useful skills to use in a crisis.
It’s something I definitely need
I have anxiety and PTSD, so I can easily spiral into a panic and freeze in place when in crisis. If there was a fire or someone I loved was injured (or a thousand other scenarios) I fear I would not be able to assist those I love most. I come to the seminars to learn how to push the stress aside so that when things go haywire, I am ready to “flip the switch,” and react.
Training for the worst-case scenario allows me to scale back the response for lower-level emergencies. By testing myself under pressure, I know I am capable of doing much more than I think. I also go to develop my team-building skills.
Socializing has always been hard for me, but nothing brings people together than a sense of shared purpose. Through training in class, and in seminars, my fellow students have become my family. I know I can rely on them and trust them with my life and safety.
Due to Covid, I haven’t been to one but I’m hoping my instructor will host one soon. I’m confident my skills have improved since my last one and I’m excited to see what surprises the instructor has waiting. I have no doubt he will scare us silly, of course, only in order to prepare us properly.
I know I am walking into the class with a new sense of confidence
I don’t know what lies ahead for me, but I know one thing. I am stronger and better equipped to face times of stress. Plus, it does make for some very entertaining and affirming time with friends, and good stories to tell those who didn’t come.
Sometimes, we need the stress to make us realize how awesome we can be…
Off the mat, Elke is a real estate attorney and blogger, with degrees in urban planning, law, and history. She has worked in both the non-profit and profit sectors, has been awarded numerous fellowships, including serving as the Biodiversity Fellow at the Israeli Ministry of Environmental Protection. She’s proud to serve on the Board of Debate for Peace, which she insists counts as verbal sparring practice.
- Be Willing to Say No - December 13, 2022
- Finding a Real Life Sailor Moon - July 29, 2022
- Happy Mother’s Day Isn’t An Insult - June 28, 2022
Thank you for this, Elke. I agree completely that we are training to react under pressure, and it is so important to push ourselves, as these skills help in areas we didn’t even know we needed them. Great article!
Thank you, I learned so much from your class!