Nicole Beach talks About Her Journey, and Mission, with My Bruises Are From
Authoring the Positivity Post here at Martial Journal has put me in contact with so many wonderful martial artists because I found articles about them. In this case, however, a reader sent me a link to an article about My Bruises Are From, suggesting I look into it. I am so glad I did!
I was able to get in touch with the founder of My Bruises Are From, Nicole Mae-Ling Beach. She told me about the fascinating journey she has taken in her life. I knew that her inspiring story was one that needed to be told as far and wide as possible. Enjoy!
Let us start with a little background on yourself. How did you get started with the martial arts?
Despite the fact that I’m half Asian, lol, I never trained in martial arts until I started BJJ in my mid-thirties. I started researching martial arts because my oldest son was getting bullied on the bus. It began one day when he came off of the bus crying and told me the kid sitting with him went from pushing him into the window and punching him in the arm, to punching him in the crotch. I was infuriated but tried to get more information. He described the bully’s behaviors but didn’t describe his reaction so I asked him “Did you push him away? Did you block his arms?” and he looked at me blankly as if he didn’t understand. I asked again, a little puzzled myself that he didn’t seem to understand what I was asking, “Did you defend yourself though?” He said, “I used my words Mommy and he didn’t stop.” I continued, “Did you push him away? Keep him from punching you again?” His response hurt my heart: “No Mommy, THAT would be fighting!”
I flashed back to my days running my home daycare with my boys, how I preached for them to use their words and not their hands, and I hung my head in shame that I hadn’t prepared my son properly. This bully kid was one who had been to our house to play. He was one year older in age but was actually physically smaller than my son. I immediately tried to explain the difference between defending yourself and acting as the aggressor in hurting someone (after a big hug of course).
As soon as he went upstairs to play, mama bear came out. I wanted to walk over to the other house and confront the parents on their child’s behavior. I was livid and ready to tell them all about their son and what they needed to teach him, but my boys’ dad (my husband at the time) convinced me otherwise. He was savvier, having been a “bully-beater-upper” in his days, and knew that if we went to the parents then our child would be the target of even more bullying for being a “tattle tale” and that group bullying attacks could also be more damaging with social isolation and verbal attacks from multiple kids on the bus. We decided that what we needed to do instead was to work on confidence and self-defense concepts, so he could defend and protect himself by not being a soft target for bullying.
As I researched martial arts programs, it was a neighbor who mentioned to me that we should find a Brazilian jiu-jitsu school for practical self-defense. After a couple of months watching my boys train, I was invited to try a free month for parents so I tried kickboxing. I had been a soccer player and coach all my life so I figured I could learn to do that pretty easily. Kickboxing was fun but classes were small and diminishing so eventually they convinced me to try jiu-jitsu – and the rest is history. I quickly became addicted to the challenge and the strategy involved in jiu-jitsu that works your brain as hard as your body. I didn’t know at the time that it would be anything more than a fun fitness activity. There was no indication back then that this new hobby would become my passion, my purpose, and such a large focal point in my life.
How did My Bruises Are From get started?
Maybe because I’m a marketer, the idea for the brand was there long before I became moved enough to make it a charity effort. We’re all familiar with the accidental knees to the eye, the grip bruises on our arms, and the like, but to an outsider, they can be misunderstood. When I was still coaching soccer, I recall being worried enough to specifically wear a Gracie Jiu-jitsu shirt as a way to preemptively explain my bruises to parents of my new players. I remember the looks I’d occasionally get from strangers and the ones that would follow to any male who was walking alongside me.
However, if I had to put a time-stamp on what finally encouraged me to act on the idea – it was what happened at a gas station one afternoon. I was on a road trip with my boys and when we reached the counter with our water and juice, the cashier told us our items had already been paid for by the man who was in front of us in line. “He said to tell you to please take care of yourself and your boys,” explained the woman. I was puzzled. Maybe he was just practicing a random act of kindness, or maybe he would try to talk to me when we left the building, I thought. “Boys, when we leave we’re not stopping to talk to anybody okay? Just get straight into the van,” I recall telling them. I didn’t want to invite the chance of this stranger approaching us for whatever reason. I had decided that it was enough to smile and wave but that I didn’t want to engage in conversation because I was suspicious of the reason behind his gesture. When we went outside, nobody was waiting for us… he didn’t approach, and he actually didn’t even look in our direction. He simply got into his truck and drove away. This confused me even more as I loaded my boys into the van and walked around to the driver’s side…and that’s where it hit me (pun intended). I saw my reflection in the driver’s side window and was reminded of my slight black eye and the four-finger grip bruise displayed on my left bicep. The man who paid for our drinks had thought he was spending his money as a kind gesture and message of support to a survivor of physical domestic violence.
This event weighed heavily on my mind because I did grow up with stories of relatives having dealt with physically abusive households. I felt compelled to find a place to donate in support of survivors since that’s what the man had intended his money to go toward. When I researched online, I found that there was a fundraising effort in my home county – which at the time was the largest county in Ohio to not yet have a domestic violence shelter. Over the next couple of months, the idea kept turning around in my head. I felt like there was more I could do, and I noticed each time I saw a post on social media related to women in jiu-jitsu with bruises getting funny looks, getting called into HR or the physician’s office asking if everything was okay at home. So when a local academy brought in Mackenzie Dern for a seminar, all of the ideas came together. The night before the seminar, I did the one thing my marketing and PR brain felt I had to do – create a photo opportunity to spread the message and cause for a fundraiser. I had learned that the purple ribbon stands for domestic violence awareness, and I added the message and brand “My Bruises Are From… Jiu-jitsu.” I ran to Michael’s Arts & Crafts store and bought a print-at-home iron-on patch that I used to create a few make-shift patches knowing I could then find a professional to create patches for a larger fundraising effort once I launched the campaign. The reaction from Mackenzie Dern and a few others at the seminar was priceless, the photo gained some attention and support online, and the fundraising effort took off.
Was there a moment of realization that what you had started was really becoming a big deal?
Well, I spent some time going to seminars to get pictures with several of the jiu-jitsu greats – knowing I could generate some awareness just through social media. I’ve had so much support from the well-known names in jiu-jitsu, especially Jessica “Evil” Eye who is now in the UFC, and of course Michelle Nicolini who has been an absolute sweetheart each time I’ve seen her. I’ve also been shocked to have orders coming from Australia, Switzerland, the United Kingdom and other countries. However, the biggest impact is in realizing the everyday people whose lives we touch because they are survivors, have had family members who are survivors, or some sadly have lost family members to domestic violence. I had trained with some women for two years without knowing they were survivors until I started this effort. That was a huge awakening to the stigma that surrounds domestic violence – people simply do not discuss it, it’s almost considered embarrassing or shameful to be a survivor. I have also often thought about the reasons that man at the gas station chose to not speak to me directly – I’ll never know why, but it’s something that has been behind the campaign to “Submit the Silence, End Domestic Violence” that is part of My Bruises Are From. The outreach is essential to starting the conversation that will expose domestic violence where it tries to hide. What’s keeping this effort growing is also the everyday people who have embraced the cause to create fundraising efforts in their local hometowns. These everyday people have shown me that this effort is much bigger than what I started with a simple patch design and a social media post.
Has there been obstacles or resistance that you have encountered in trying to grow My Bruises Are From?
I wouldn’t say there has been resistance, rather caution. This is a serious topic and I want to be sure I’m giving it as much attention as it deserves. There are also so many different types and aspects of domestic violence. Domestic violence does not discriminate in social status, age, gender, ethnicity, and it is not always physical either – there are bruises unseen that exist as emotional pain and verbal abuse, financial abuse. Even human trafficking has a connection to domestic violence, where young victims have been sold into trafficking by a family member. Many who are institutionalized with mental health and drug and alcohol abuse problems are survivors who never healed from their traumas, and statistics show that abusers were often survivors of childhood domestic abuse. So when you start to look at the big picture, I believe it’s one of the most widespread issues affecting our communities today. I have survivors contacting me, academy owners contacting me, even people who have worried about their own behaviors in their household – so it’s not something that I want to get wrong. We provide some information and direct people to appropriate resources, but I try to make it clear that My Bruises Are From is a charitable fundraising organization whose goal is to provide funds to the professional non-profit organizations who support survivors. We are not counselors-first responder types who can assist in a crisis like a hotline or call the police-although we do have some Ambassadors with that background and can always direct people to the appropriate resources. We support survivors with awareness, giving them more of a voice, generate support in local communities, and promote fundraising with apparel sales to donate 100% of proceeds to domestic violence shelters and other survivor support organizations, such as hotlines and awareness groups.
Could you tell us about some of the successes that you have had?
We currently have more than 100 Ambassadors throughout the country who are helping to raise awareness and funds. This group includes survivors, competitive athletes, men, women, law enforcement, counselors, shelter staff, and other volunteers. I’m really happy with the different perspectives and knowledge we have in the group and hope to further use their collective knowledge to grow the effort. We also have some individuals who have indicated the desire to propel this cause into other areas of combative sports and fitness: “My Bruises Are From…” is the official organization name for a reason. We’re planning to start the conversation in other communities with “My Bruises Are From Judo,” “My Bruises Are From Muay Thai,” and other interest groups.
You seem like a motivated and driven person. Is there anything else that you are working on?
I’ve realized through all of this that I am no longer happy in life just working – I want to work with a purpose. Since my profession is business consulting, marketing and public relations, I decided to be more selective about how I focus my talents. I started narrowing my clientele last year and decided I wanted to align my passions and work only with businesses who have a purpose. They don’t need to be non-profits but I want to be inspired, I want to do work that makes a difference – so I now work for those who have a mission that I can believe in and be proud to support. Right now, my newest and biggest pride is in working with Origin USA (www.originmaine.com), the company that is dedicated to engineering and manufacturing quality grappling uniforms, performance gear, and supplements 100% in the United States. Most of the martial arts industry sources uniforms from countries who don’t have the best focus on quality or the best labor laws. For these guys, it’s not about doing it faster and cheaper so I respect that they are running their business true to the values in which they believe. I’ve been a fan of their gis for several years now, they have supported the charity from the beginning, and I am pretty much living the dream helping them expand their markets. Instead of helping cable and insurance companies make more money, I can now go to a business meeting, do some training while I’m there, and walk out proudly with a black eye that also helps raise awareness for the charity – yes, this just happened in my recent trip to Boston. I can’t imagine a better arrangement for me right now.
One of the things that arose in the past year was that I realized not all academies have the types of environment and culture where a survivor would feel comfortable training. We all know it’s not easy to step onto the mats, and doing so as a survivor of domestic violence or any type of assault is not easy. One in four women, one in seven men, are survivors of domestic violence – and I’ve found that those statistics seem to be true on the mats as well. Chances are, you’re training with someone who is a survivor even if you don’t know it. For every survivor on the mats, there are probably dozens more who could benefit from jiu-jitsu either for self-defense training or just as a great hobby and community. If they are supported in their jiu-jitsu journey, we know it can help rebuild their confidence, and enrich their lives in a meaningful way. I’ve identified three major initiatives and areas of focus this year to support the goal of helping survivors find empowerment through jiu-jitsu:
- We want to help ensure that anyone, especially survivors can find respectable academies with good cultures and a safe training environment. The S.A.F.E. Academies (www.safeacademies.com) initiative will list only the top referred academies, those who meet the strict requirements, and who have been nominated into the listing as an academy with the highest levels of ethical practices. This listing will also identify those with special accommodations such as separate changing areas, female instructors, and other aspects which could help survivors feel more welcome. In short, “S” is for standards of respect, “A” is for all are welcome, “F” is for a formal code of ethics, “E” is for enforced accountability. The full description and requirements can be found online. I’m currently building a team of contributors to manage this effort, which will be a good resource for anyone in jiu-jitsu – not just women or survivors.
- We want to identify and enlist the academy owners who are willing to be official “My Bruises Are From” academies – where they have a relationship with their local shelter and crisis counselors and are fully prepared to support survivors in their community. They will promote the message of support for survivors and hold fundraising events. The first step to this is for the academy to have an Ambassador owner. To join the cause as an Ambassador or Ambassador owner/academy please go to www.mybruisesarefrom.org and Join us!
- We also want to help reward and promote the exemplary individuals who elevate our community with honor, courage, and compassion – those who are “Blackbelts in Life,” regardless of rank in jiu-jitsu. These people live their lives in the true “bushido way,” and are everything that a black belt should represent. Winners are selected for the merit of their actions, and when voting is open there are no names to avoid the popularity contest. Nominees and winners are identified after voting has been concluded.
You may be wondering: “How does this www.blackbeltsinlife.com effort tie into the My Bruises Are From cause?”
One thing I’ve learned with my own struggles in life is that with light, we can overcome darkness. In my darkest days, I looked for the good in life, I sought out the people who inspired me, I found a way to cling to hope by focusing on the positives and threw myself into service. In hindsight, I realize this is part of why I started My Bruises Are From – I did this in the middle of one of the darkest times in my life. As I did this, I found amazing people all over the country and specifically in the jiu-jitsu community doing amazing things. One person who has inspired me through his example is Rich McKeegan who created Blackbelts for Butterflies (www.bb4bf.org), an organization for autism awareness and acceptance through jiu-jitsu fundraising seminars. Rich is a brown belt in jiu-jitsu, but he started his effort when he was a blue belt. He showed me that one individual can create a movement – and truly has inspired me to keep this effort going. He once wrote me a note that still hangs in my office that read, “The world needs more people like you,” and it made me reflect on what I had started, and the support the community has shown the cause. I realized he’s right, I had found some more of these great people, and I want to keep finding and sharing these amazing stories to inspire more people into action the way Rich inspired me to keep this effort going and growing.
If anybody wants to reach out to My Bruises Are From, how should they do that?
To get involved as an Ambassador, Academy, or for more information on anything email nicole@mybruisesarefrom.org. If you have a shelter or survivor support organization and want to be added to our list of supported charities you can also email me. We keep all eligible organizations on the list in the checkout process so purchasers can direct their proceeds to whichever organization they’d like to support. The website is www.mybruisesarefrom.org.
Final Thoughts
I hope that you enjoyed reading about Ms. Beach’s story and mission of My Bruises are From. It is a gross understatement to say that domestic violence is a problem today. Many of us have experienced it, or are close to someone who has. Whether it is working with My Bruises Are From, or another entity, your actions do not have to be big to make a difference. Bottom line, I encourage you to be there for those that are in need and be knowledgeable about the resources available in your community.
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