Adults in Martial Arts
My article is about my Martial Arts journey which has lead me to receive many comments with different points of views and perspectives from people with all different backgrounds. We think we know best, but sometimes it’s good to take a step back and rethink some of our other opinions. I wanted to focus on my journey and how it changed my life! Everybody has a story, an original journey and today I want to introduce Anthony DelMar.
Although nowadays traditional Martial Arts, like Taekwondo or karate are seen as after school and babysitting programs, my friend, Tony DelMar, has decided to start learning Taekwondo, just two weeks before his 63rd birthday. He is an example for anyone out there who thinks traditional Martial Arts are for kids only and they’re too busy or too old!
Today, Tony DelMar is a 2nd dan black belt, regularly competes in forms and breaking. Having had some health issues never once stopped him and he never thought about letting go. He keeps on his journey, constantly setting new goals for himself.
This positive approach and attitude is contagious. Tony has hundreds of friends from all over the world and is welcomed and cheered on everywhere he shows up (just friend him on facebook 😉 Anthony DelMar) . He started his journey just a little before me, we’ve become friends and frequently trained together. Couple of Masters once told us it’s not common to actually keep training when you’re over 50 or 60, so starting as adults is something everyone always supports. I have asked Tony some questions. Here we go.
AG: I bet people watching you compete look at you funny! They’re out there like, why??? Why at this age you don’t want to just play chess!? I think you know what I’m saying… It’s hard to stay motivated on this journey. Easier to give up and look for excuses. So why do you compete Mr Tony?
TDM: I compete for me. I want to win. I don’t want to “beat” anyone. I want to put my skills and my practice and my sweat and pain from practice to competition. I do poomsae (forms, AG) and breaking. I have competed approximately 15 – 20 times (I counted). I have also given demos 3 times (Korea). To categorize, they are mostly small local (in VA and MD, AG) competitions; Spar Wars, Kick Cancer Out of the World; Captain’s Cup Challenge, National Capital Open, VA State Championship, Friendship Tournament, and a few others I can’t recall.
AG: So how did it all start? How long have you been training taekwondo?
TDM: I started TKD in August 2015: 2 weeks before my 63 birthday. All totaled I lost a whole year in bits and pieces due to surgeries (none from TKD). I have been training for 3 1/2 years. I wanted to learn a martial art all my life but never had time. I was not interested in this as self-defense or fighting. Believe it or not what I wanted to get from TKD is the feeling of the mind and spirit and body all working together in perfect harmony. There is supposed to be an inner peace brought about by this. That was/is my goal. Were I younger I swear I would try to get to the Shaolin Temple in China and study there.
AG: I believe you would! What do you like about Martial Arts the most? What do you like about your journey?
TDM: How I have progressed. I keep working hard on all parts of the “art”. I consider this with its mind, body and spirit to be an ART, not a sport. I have a lot of physical things to overcome but I am making progress. I am nowhere near where I want to be but I DO see progress toward that. Every once in a while while practicing alone and inside my head, I can feel everything working together and that is wonderful. I am actually even catching myself relaxing. I think this is a never ending journey. That’s okay – it means I am getting better and better.
AG: Last summer, Tony made what he considers to be the trip of a lifetime when he went to South Korea for 30 days and trained with the demo team from JeonJu University. You must feel very accomplished and proud of yourself. What are you proud of the most?
TDM: I am most proud of the demos. My very first demo was choreographed by Master Lee Suk-Kyung, Professor of TKD at JeonJu University in JeonJu, South Korea. The whole demo, except for the final seconds in breaking, was done at half speed. That is very difficult because mistakes are front and center. This demo was performed at the JeonJu University Open Tournament. There were 2000 competitors. There I was, center mat, all alone until my holders would appear. I was shaking like a leaf. And my intro was long and all done to music. I did well.
Second demo was to a group of about 200 Chinese people who were interested in the university for academic studies. This one was more relaxed and the translator was excellent. We actually bantered a little and people laughed.
Final one was at The World TaeKwonDo Hanmadang. 5000 competitors and I was scared to death but I did it!!! The 30 days in Korea was the best month of my life. I also competed in Poomsae there in the Masters Division and also in power breaking in the same division.
AG: I’m interested in what you think of the Traditional Martial Arts “situation” in the Martial Arts world. Seems like people are less and less interested in them. Do kids, after school, summer camps etc, ruin the experience for adults?
TDM: I see Traditional Martial Arts are losing the “martial” and the “art”. In my readings, I see that TKD and Karate are more a form of daycare with school pickups, supervised homework, and exercise getting the kids away from electronics.I have also noticed (and I do not mean 1 or 2 schools and I extrapolate to the whole area) that this is expected of the schools. Looking at financials, it is easy to see that while the profit margin for the after school program is lower than for adults only, the dollar value is far greater on the after school programs. So this is where most of the Northern Virginia and surrounding areas are. Most adults dislike taking class with children. Personally I am frightened about injuring them, and then find myself due to age and rank, correcting poor behaviors. I once stepped back (after looking) and I tangled the smallest kid in the class in between my legs and I landed all 200 lbs on the kid.
AG: It’s not a direct answer…
TDM: No, not really. Most adults are turned off to always having munchkins in class. BUT, when the school offers 3 adult only classes a week at 7:00 pm, the excuses start… “oh I have to have to make dinner” “I have to watch Jeopardy “ etc.
AG: Well, I kinda feel this, sometimes those dinner excuses aren’t excuses, so it’s hard. I remember how upset I was I hardly ever could take all adults class, because of that dinner. It is frustrating being a serious adult among silly kids, when this was the only time I could have given. Classes with kids tend to be repetitive and sometimes even boring… I don’t blame Masters or Instructors, it’s hard to teach so many belt/age levels in an hour class. There are adults only schools, and there are adults that can find time to go there and that’s great. Have you looked into those?
TDM: I have. Non after school Martial Arts schools, whose owners and employees all have daytime jobs. The locale is small. Lights go on at 4 or 5 pm. Then is the one kids class and after that several different classes for adults. These classes to me seem to live the art. These adults are deadly serious about the art. They are early to class in order to be more limber. They are the ones who turn out the lights.
AG: To wrap up, how important would you say is the role of the Master? We both have similar experience. Some Masters don’t care, or don’t want to “waste time” on not that flexible or skilled adults. Some go way beyond classes and are super supportive and super helpful. Thoughts?
TDM: The role of the Master, in my view, is extremely important. Nothing is more demoralizing to an adult student having juggled many things in order to get to his/her class and then being “taught” by someone who obviously would rather be somewhere else doing something else. But this is a two way street. I have seen amazing Masters who put their hearts and souls into their class. They leave a 50 minute class drenched in sweat. They need to be re-energized too. In my experience I have never seen a Master expect more than effort. If the adult student cannot give a good effort then why is that student in class? I think there are good Masters and poor Masters. I see more good ones than poor ones. Good Master and Good Students feed off each other. Good Masters and Poor Students drain the Master. A Master who shows distaste over a student who is not totally flexible or has a physical limitation is not a Master.
AG: What advice would you give to all those adults who are thinking of trying a traditional Martial Art but are discouraged about their lack of flexibility? Don’t say “it’s never too late” cause you are a living proof of that.
TDM: hahaha sure! For those adults who feel that they are not flexible enough to study a martial art, I have a few suggestions. This is something in your control up to a point. You may never be able to do a side split. But I assure you that you can increase your flexibility by at least 50-75%. How? Watch those students / masters as they stretch. Pick two or three stretches and start doing them. GENTLY. You do not need torn muscles. When you are at this point DO NOT use stretching as a warmup. Jog around the dojang a few times to warm up the muscles you want to stretch. When warmed up, slowly easily do one stretch until you are finished with that muscle, then move to the next muscle.
AG: I like how you emphasized to be gentle. It’s important to let your ego rest and don’t compare yourself to students that have years of experience. Your only competition is you. Corny as it sounds 😉
TDM: Exactly! Start out very very slowly. Stretch until you feel pain and then go no further. Hold that stretch. Try it again and you may be surprised that you can stretch an inch more that you previously did. Continue and don’t get discouraged. It took me three years before I could do 180 degree front to back strength. Then move on to the next muscle. Since this is not resistance training you can do it every day. Next, at the early stages, do not let anyone “help” you by pulling or pushing you. You will know when you are ready for this and it won’t be in your first six months. Make sure you are stretching all muscles, upper and lower boy although for some martial arts, lower body is more important. Critical to any martial art is stretching the psoas muscle – the only muscle connecting the upper and lower body. Next, (and I wish I had done this), find a beginners’ yoga class and attend it. Yoga will not only help flexibility, but balance as well.
Lastly, read a little. There are many good books on flexibility, like “Full Body Flexibility”. It’s a great book, especially for beginners. Before buying any books check the table of contents to be sure the book covers what you need. Finally, pick a master you admire and ask him / her for guidance. Good luck!!
AG: Funny you should mention stretching books… Any OTHER ones you would recommend?
TDM: “Reach Your Goal” by Anna and Richard Bejtlich is another excellent one! :))
AG: I agree! Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me.
To sum up, I could be discussing stretching ideas forever, I do agree it’s a great idea to include yoga. I wanted to continue discussion about traditional Martial Arts, I do know there are so many schools and so many different ways to try to find balance. I hope I will get some new views, new perspectives and inspiration.
Anna is a co-author of a book: "Reach Your Goal. Stretching and Mobility Exercises for Fitness, Personal Training and Martial Arts" available on Amazon.
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- Martial Journal Spotlight: Anthony DelMar On Adults in Traditional Martial Arts - April 3, 2020
- Ankle Mobility Stretches for Martial Arts - February 24, 2020
Great interview Anna!
I have been taking a morning teens and adults class for about a year. Most adults are military veterans. The eldest is 72. I trail him by 1 year and then we go down by decade. Our instructor is a 28 year old Master. It is a small class, but the instruction is great. We vary in rank from white belt beginner to cho dan bo. Nobody is ridiculed or made to feel inadequate.
I also attend class with my 10 year old grandson. At 6’2″, I’m a giant compared to the other kids, but it’s a different experience. I love the class and my classmates. They have kinda adopted me.
Our instructor, a Master and former Army drill instructor who treats us fairly, but imposes discipline as befits this more advanced class. No one wants to do penalty pushups.