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From friend to foe, jest to serious accountability, the semblance of humor can be a stark reality.
It is a balancing act with all these variables: being self-aware, tackling imposter syndrome, and remaining in control of the environment you are creating. One must lead from the heart, in a sense, letting love guide the way but also remaining strong enough that one is not perceived as heartless. A coach must be welcoming yet stern, for love requires discipline. Here, amongst one’s humanity and the characteristics of being an athlete, is the fine line walked of being friendly with your students and being their friend.
As instructors, we understand the importance of maintaining a constructive approach. This mindset not only enables proficient emotional and relational management but also facilitates the incorporation of physical exercise into your routine, which proves pivotal for mental well-being. It is crucial to acknowledge that athletes lead lives beyond their training, emphasizing the need for a balanced approach that promotes holistic well-being. Maintaining a constructive approach is vital to navigating the challenges of leadership with confidence and reassurance. Sometimes, this is the case, but it’s often more challenging than anticipated.
Recently, I have had one of my students message me, thanking me for the discipline I had instilled in her since an early age as a martial artist. Now, as she begins a new adventure in law enforcement, the bridge between student, employee, and peer can be stated as officially crossed. The transition was not easy, for at times, there were misunderstandings, for the expectation on both sides was different from what the other was expecting or saw the interaction as being.
Extracurricular knowledge can sometimes be helpful, but other times, it can be harmful to both parties. For other individuals, the transition could have been smoother, and the difference in expectations on and off the training floor needed to be met or welcomed willingly. The knowledge off the floor was used to undermine the position of leadership in the expectation of being allowed to fool off or be less than who they were.
The athlete, no matter their age, must know that they are safe mentally, physically, and emotionally. How their instructor shows their support is up to them and their personality and morals. If a student asks me to watch their soccer game and I am available, I will. If they are in a play and they want me or their teammates there, and we can make it possible, we are there.
“We hope that our incessant need to make things better for them didn’t make them less capable human beings, less able to withstand the trials that will come their way because they didn’t experience any disruption growing up.”
T.D. Jakes, Disruptive Thinking: A Daring Strategy to Change How We Live, Lead, and Love
Even as adults, it’s essential to have clear boundaries in place to protect everyone involved. If you’re under 18, you won’t have access to my cell phone. I will always ensure that our interactions take place in public settings where it’s unlikely for others to misinterpret our relationship. It’s my responsibility to maintain appropriate relationships, especially with friends who understand and respect my values, such as my Black Belt peers or training partners. These friends understand that my priorities as a person, athlete, and instructor are my faith, my family, my work, and then my friendships, in order to maintain balance.
Ultimately, the power to choose lies with the individual. This empowerment is a key factor in fostering a sense of personal responsibility and encouraging individuals to make decisions that align with their goals and values. This sense of control can be empowering, guiding individuals in their journey from student to leader. It’s a journey that each individual must navigate, and the decisions they make along the way shape their path.
As the next generation steps into leadership roles and grapples with social constructs, relationships, and expectations, it’s crucial to understand and navigate the influence of technology. The current generation’s experience is more complex due to technology’s pervasive influence in all aspects of life. Understanding and navigating this influence is crucial for effective leadership. It’s a challenge that leaders of today and tomorrow must embrace, as it’s an integral part of the leadership landscape.
“Leadership isn’t about the position you hold but rather the person you are.”
Perry Noble, The Most Excellent Way to Lead: Discover the Heart of Great Leadership
The knowledge that accusations of causing harm may arise at any time shapes the conduct of instructors, peers, leaders, and role models. Given the significance of perception and the interpretation of collective or individual experiences aligned with the ability to gauge a particular environment, proactive measures are essential. Individuals of any role must exercise caution when assessing potential triggers of trauma, as discernment may not be immediate. It has always been challenging, and becoming a leader is a growing experience.
As we reflect on the past and look ahead to the future in terms of leadership, it’s important to acknowledge the need for growth, empathy, and embracing differences as strengths. Having the confidence to stand in front of others requires self-assurance, and exercising authority demands self-awareness. It’s crucial to recognize that occupying a position of power is not a fluke. Many individuals have faced tests and challenges that have provided them with the opportunity to stand up and lead, representing their mentors, their school, and the discipline they study. Beyond themselves, it’s essential to remember that leadership is not about the leaders themselves but about the athletes they are guiding.
All the lessons I have learned in balancing the work-life balance took time and experience to understand and process. I am still learning each day more and more how to be a better human, instructor, and coach. Where I have made mistakes in the past, I have learned from and used to strengthen the future and encourage the next generation to know the difference between confidence and pride. The line can be stated that the difference between friendly and friend is wrapped up in one’s ego and pride.
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