“I don’t have time to train” is something parents end up saying at some point in their martial arts and parenting journey. They have a point. Parenthood drains almost all of our personal resources. It takes time. It takes energy. It takes money. It takes focus. It takes attention.
Since all of those are resources our training also requires, it can feel like good parenting and good training are in conflict…and like all parents, when asked to choose between anything and our kids, there’s only one right choice.
On the other hand, martial arts training is part of the best things about you. If you’re not training, you’re not as good of a parent as you would be if you did get regular mat time.
So what’s the solution? Make time for training. Today I’m sharing five of the best and most effective ways to do that. Whether you’re a parent trying to get back on the mat, a child helping your parent resume a beloved part of their lives, or a sensei helping students keep training, at least one should help.
1. Get Up Early
There’s two kinds of people in the world: those who naturally wake up early in the morning and somehow feel good about it, and normal human beings. For both kinds, those hours before the family is awake can be some of our best hours. Nobody’s up to need anything. Nothing from work or home has had a chance to go sideways and blow up the day. It’s quiet. Peaceful.
And a great opportunity to train. A surprising number of dojos have a morning class available, and those that don’t might start one if you can find a few like-minded people to attend with you. You can slip out while everybody’s sleeping, get your training in, and come home sweaty, happy, and ready for your day.
See also: noon classes. If you can’t make morning happen (or your favorite school won’t), see about noon and afternoon classes. If they offer one, can you schedule your lunch to take advantage and train without impacting your at-home time at all?
2. Learn “Heck, Yeah or Hell, No!”
When we say we “don’t have time” for things, what we’re really saying is that we value other things more. That’s fine for many of the demands of parenthood: quality time, homework help, coaching little league, chaperoning sleepovers, sewing costumes, cooking, cleaning, and all the rest. Some duties of parenthood simply take precedence, and a lot of them bring great joy.
But sometimes we spend hours doing things that don’t feed us and aren’t necessary. We do them because we feel trapped or pressured into it, or because we’re naturally affable and have trouble saying no.
You can get out of those commitments, and back on the mat, by adopting the “Heck, yeah or hell, no” philosophy. Simply put, if you’re asked to do something, pause and see if you feel like shouting “Heck, yeah!.” If not the answer is “Hell, no!”, with the understanding that you might phrase it differently to the person who asked.
See also: buying time. If you need a couple hours each week to train, have you considered hiring a nanny or sitter? Or pooling money together with other people at your dojo to hire somebody to watch your children all at once? Maybe there’s a junior black belt or youth instructor who’d like to earn a little extra money…
3. Train Together
This is the parent martial artist’s dream. What could be better than time on the mat with our kids? If we’re lucky enough to have our kids enthusiastic about martial arts, this is a win-win. I don’t think I need to spend much time expounding on why this is great. Sometimes tough to engineer, especially as our kids get older and become their own people, but worth the work if you can make it happen.
See also: train together, separately. If you’re looking for time to practice, you can often make it during your child’s activities. While they’re in parkour, or gymnastics, or robotics, you find a quiet corner and go through a few reps. It’s not mat time, but it’s much better than nothing.
4. Multitask, Sort Of
We know by now that multitasking isn’t really a thing. It’s just shifting focus rapidly, when dedicated focus is better for our results and hour mental health. I’m not suggesting that you try to train while you’re doing other parental duties. Instead, I’m recommending that you multitask your schedule.
If one of your children has a piano lesson, choir practice, or other event, your first question should be what class is at your dojo during that window? You may have to get fancy with travel time — maybe by tag-teaming with your partner so one drops off and the other picks up — but those are hours other adults have primary responsibility for your kids. You can use those hours.
See also: delegate. As your older children get closer to the age of reason, can you task them with creating time for you to train? Whether that’s putting a senior or junior on carpool duty or just applying your free in-home babysitter once a week, it can free up the time you need.
5. Adjust Your Expectations
The perfect is sometimes the enemy of the good, and that can be true of parents who want to train. Reality says that we won’t be able to hit multiple classes each night, assist in teaching twice a week, and lead the dojo field trip to the next tournament. We have to scale back.
How far is up to you, your kids, your partner, and your schedule. The key is to dedicate a realistic amount of time as a promise to yourself, then keep that promise.
See also: adjusting their expectations. Especially with older kids, you can also set the expectation that you will be taking time to train a few times per week. If it’s just a normal part of your household rhythm, like parents going to work and family board game night, everybody will find ways to work around it.
Look, We Get It…
In some families, temporary hardships and pressures mean there really is no time to go to the dojo and train…but even then, you can find ten minutes here or there to run some kata and hit a bag. For the rest of us, the person we are when we’re training is someone our kids deserve to know.
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