Disability in Martial Arts – part 3 – Can’t is a four letter word not used in this dojo

When I was 5 years old, my mom was picking me up from kindergarten and the student teacher asked if she could speak with her.  She explained that she had thoughts to share. I was asked if I could wait in the hallway for the ride home. Neither of them knew that I heard them.

Student Teacher: Nick is a fine boy! I noticed something about him. His issue with his arm.

Mom: Yeah (unimpressed)

ST: I wanted to caution you to not expect too much from him. He’ll get a job, he’ll be happy, but don’t put too many expectations on him for his future

Mom: (deadpan) He’ll do whatever the hell he wants.

Mom and I departed the school immediately.

I remember the ride home, for some reason I knew that my Mom knew that I heard the conversation. My parents had this fear as my Dad put it that “I would go up to bat in life and already be at strike two at the plate.” In my mind at the time, I was just wondering if cartoons were on later. Little did I know that this was my first attack from the outside. This conversation burrowed in my mind and stayed with me for years.

In the life of a disabled person, you begin to look at things differently and eventually accept limits. I could never be an Olympic swimmer or a firefighter if I couldn’t hold a hose. I could not be in the police or a superhero if I couldn’t hold a gun either. The reason for this is that others put limits on you. Some are in kindness or caution but others are not kind or have ill intent. The Student Teacher I don’t think had ill intent, she simply did not know.

In the dojo, you learn how to deal with difficult things. You learn by finding joy in hard work. This is usually from repeating a form over and over, maybe throwing several thousand punches, and even practicing over and over until you are at your peak. There are several lessons in the kicks and punches. One of them is to weather the storms that are faced in the world. These are events that can turn your world upside down, like a breakup, a firing, and even someone putting different expectations on you without knowing you. As a martial artist, you will notice that you have faced worse in the dojo.

In 1991, I joined the martial arts world by signing up for Gifford’s Academy of Martial Arts in Tiverton Rhode Island. The place was truly unique and at 6 years old I liked it because there was a Ninja Turtles sign in the front. Another sign struck me though on the rear wall. “Can’t is a four-letter word that is not used in this dojo.” I watched the class and was taken in but that sign had me awe-stuck.

Under Sensei Gifford, there was no room for excuses. “Sensei, I can’t…” was usually followed with a stern “Why?” Under his tutelage, he always asked us to find a way forward. How did you? by working at it! Now if there was an absolute impossibility then there was wiggle room. However, there were ways to eventually get there. There is no room for quitting because it got hard or it was a little difficult. The lesson was always there, find a way forward.

When I started to learn the Tonfa forms, I could not hold the weapon because of the cerebral palsy in my right arm. I told Sensei that I did not think this was possible. His response was, “Why?” So, he duct-taped the weapon to my right arm. I had my arm duct taped until my arm held it in place. May seem extreme, but it got the job done.

Another time, I was learning the sword. In most disciplines, If a person cannot draw a sword with their right hand, then they are not a martial artist, samurai, or whatever title you want to put in there. So, I had work to do. At first, I could barely grip the handle, but then I worked at it! I was challenged to draw in class and was slow. I remember practicing on my back deck and drawing the sword which must have been 500 times. Eventually, I got it.

With disabilities, you need to practice to do something. For example, someone with dyslexia may need to read a page of a book several times before it is memorized. A person with a balance issue may need to fall multiple times on their bike before they ride it for good. After they may need to keep practicing but keep going.

In 2020, I was laid off in my day job with a very good company after 14 years. I was a very well-paid manager and had a long career in the tourism industry and then came the covid 19 pandemic. I was given a 6-month severance package and insurance for as long as necessary. In the pandemic world, I had to learn to move through a very different world. I had to interview at places when I hadn’t interviewed for jobs in years! I was afraid of the people seeing a disability instead of the person. Good ol’ Sensei Gifford was back in my head after every excuse, Why? find a way!

I practiced the art of the interview and watched videos on YouTube, I studied companies and eventually found employment 33 days into what could have been a 6-month vacation. Using the lessons from martial arts I continuously studied things and found new work leading the COVID-19 vaccine clinic and pushing forward to eventually find a way to teach martial arts more.

In this world, you are continuously moving forward and growing. As a disabled person, I had limits that I accepted but these were in my mind. These limits were imposed by others but they are not the definition of who I am. They did not write my story, I did.

When you are a disabled person, you must be in martial arts. In the end, you can be that superhero. There are lessons in the kicks and punches. This lesson is that you can always move forward. You write your own story and set your expectations. You will need to work, but you can do whatever you want in life because can’t is a four-letter word not used in this dojo of life.