Book Review: Resilience Parenting

Title: Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence

Authors: Chris and Holly Santillo

Publisher: Lioncrest Publishing

Publication Date: 2019

Format: Paperback

Pages: 150

Cover Price: $16.99

Content

Parents and martial arts instructors Chris and Holly Santillo (Potomac Kempo, Alexandria, VA) have incorporated the wisdom of their experiences both at home and in the dojo into their new book: Resilience Parenting. This book is composed of three parts: Parents as Teachers, The Lessons of the Pillars, and The Art of Teaching. Each contains clearly written advice on why, how, and when to raise resilient children.

In part 1, the Santillos define resilience and its components. In part 2, the authors lay out their three pillars: Learning, Service, and Integrity. These are the guiding principles in their Kempo dojo, which they argue are the foundation for developing resilience in children. In part 3, they conclude by offering teaching methodologies and advice on lesson timing.

Pros

This is the book that the nurse should hand new parents at the hospital. It is an articulate, straightforward, and approachable guidebook, which can be easily read in just a handful of hours, on transforming the bundle of baby into a productive adult. Yes, that is a bold statement for a 150-page book, but the lessons are simple, true, and applicable to everyone. Nothing in this book relies on race, religion, family composition, nationality, etc. The lessons are universal.

The book does a wonderful job of defining the abstract concept of resilience as a combination of strength, adaptability, and recovery. These ideas are ones we often take for granted without really exploring what they mean or how they can be cultivated in children, and that’s exactly the mission of this book: to encourage you to ground these lofty goals in the material of everyday life.

To this end, Resilience Parenting offers many little ah-ha moments, such as this thought on the concept of recovery: “When we know we have this power to recover, there is no fear of failure.” Another simple but powerful suggestion was having an actual conversation with your children about what they think your family’s values are and should be; the answers will likely prove illuminating.

Throughout the narrative, the authors continually return to the links between their three pillars and the notions of connectedness and independence—the opposite of detachment and dependence—always keeping their focus on their thesis.

Cons

I disagreed with their premise that we are living in an “era of detachment and dependence,” which they feel is a result of overparenting (not ever allowing children to fail and rewarding them for every action) and reliance on screens for interaction and pacification. While there are certainly some families who fit this description, the tone at the start of the book was a little dire and off-putting to me. The sections of the book where they harped on this notion, although brief, felt preachy to me.

This book, like parenting, is not for the uncertain. The lessons are simple, but the application of the lessons is not. The Santillos seem to advocate for hypervigilance in looking for “the teachable moment,” and if you want to be friends with your children while they are children, this book may prove to be too rigid for you.

Conclusion

Buy the book, read the book, and apply the lessons where you feel your family may need extra help in developing resilience. You, your children, and the world at large will be the better for it.

Overall Score: 5 out of 5 Ninja Stars