Around 2018 I became fascinated with cults. I binged as much content as I could find: articles, podcasts, documentaries, books, etc. At first, it seemed like a harmless passing interest.
About nine months into that year, after months of vacillating between misery and denial, I finally admitted to myself that I was in a cult or at least a cult-like situation. I then left the taekwondo school that had once been an immense source of joy. I joined a new dojang a few months later and never looked back.
During my year of taekwondo misery, I found one or two stories on remote internet forums of people who were in cult-like martial arts situations. There were few existing articles about martial arts cults, and there certainly weren’t (or at least I hadn’t found them) podcasts or documentaries about martial arts cults.
I wondered if the lack of information was due to the silent shame of those who had negative experiences. The concept of “quitting” in martial arts is reviled across many practices. Martial artists pride themselves on fighting through physical pain, frustration, and long hours to reach their goals. We cliquishly look down on people who quit before they reach black belt, or even worse, reach black belt and then immediately quit. Prior to the pandemic, I proudly hung a poster on my office wall that read, “A black belt is a white belt who never gave up.” Cringe.
No wonder some of us stay in situations that have long worn out their welcome.
In the last two years, I’ve seen more testimonies online of people who escaped martial arts cult-like situations. Perhaps during the Great Re-Prioritizing of the COVID-19 pandemic, more people were encouraged to stand up for themselves and speak out against harmful practices and people that poison our beloved martial arts community.
Stephen Hassan, a worldwide expert on cults, devised the BITE model of authoritarian control. This model shows various tactics cults use to recruit and control people. These tools include behavior control, information control, thought control, and emotional control.
Even if your martial arts school does not meet all of Hassan’s criteria, you might realize you feel unhappy, hopeless, or used in a place where you once felt happiness. Acknowledgment of your feelings is the first step. Then what?
Here are a few signs that your martial arts school may be at the worst, a cult, and at best, a toxic situation you’d be better off leaving:
The Leader is Problematic
Respect should be earned, no matter how high ranking the instructor. We naturally treat our high-ranking leaders/school owners with the utmost respect, and in most cases, it is well deserved. However, when the leaders abuse that authority, whether it is physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, even the most venerated sensei or grandmaster can reveal themselves to be paranoid, insecure, narcissistic bullies. They use the respectful, militaristic culture of martial arts to their advantage. In order to feed their egos and keep people under their control.
The person in charge of my dojang began to show his true colors in 2017. Coincidentally when the money started to run low. He became more argumentative and belligerent. He cruelly berated his best instructor in front of the class (while the rest of us cowered in shock and fear) and later had a complete meltdown when, to no one’s surprise, this instructor left the dojang for a job that paid an actual living wage and had a boss who didn’t scream at employees. When I left, the dojang leader lied to me that the former instructor was training with another master he didn’t like. I called him out on his lie and never spoke to him again. Not even at the funeral of one of our mutual friends. It’s a shame. I used to admire him.
Maybe your dojo/dojang leader’s narcissistic tendencies aren’t that obvious. A bully doesn’t have to hit or scream to be cruel. They may mildly insult people without recourse, put down any ideas that aren’t their own, pay low wages or expect their students to do extra work for free (running a torturously long, disorganized tournament comes to mind), or find other means of controlling the activities of their students and instructors.
No-nonsense Self-Defense does an excellent deep-dive into the charismatic, authoritarian martial arts master-turned-cult leader here: http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/cultorganization.htm
You’re Being Used
It’s one thing for a hard-working student to put 100% into their own training, help out at tests, teach the occasional class, or coach at tournaments. Most students aspire to be that kind of person. When things turn cult-like, however, the leader takes advantage of the people-pleasing nature of martial artists. One of the reasons why I left was that I spent most of my time teaching while receiving very little training at my level. Some martial artists do want to train more than teach, but that should be a choice and an equal agreement between martial artist and head instructor/school owner.
Perhaps you’ve taken on other tasks like administrative work, cleaning, or maintenance. There’s nothing wrong with doing that for your martial arts school, but it should be agreeable to your schedule and other life obligations rather than taking over all your time. When I found myself driving to Lowe’s every day after work to buy boxes and pack junk from a messy horde late into the evening all for an ill-fated move to an undesirable location…I wondered if it was still “worth it.”
It’s a Money Pit
Thankfully my former dojang didn’t nickel and dime me for every little thing. I definitely saw belt promotions (and obligatory testing fees) when the student wasn’t ready to go to the next level. Yes, martial arts training costs money. The fees should be reasonable compared to the market. The martial artist should be able to fit it into their monthly budget.
Expensive doesn’t necessarily mean “bad”. Proceed with caution if there are lengthy or complicated contracts or additional fees that weren’t mentioned upon joining.
Loyalty Even When It Hurts (i.e., You’re Afraid to Leave)
During my final year with my former dojang I used to sometimes cry before I went to class. I was both dreading an unpleasant experience and mourning the loss of what was once a great place to learn and a warm community. Why couldn’t I just not show up? Why couldn’t I just quit? To this day I feel guilt and shame for not speaking out against bad behavior and harmful practices. Sometimes I still wonder why I stayed so long when I was deeply unhappy.
Being in a cult-y situation is not unlike being in a toxic relationship. When it’s good, it’s great, and when it’s bad you feel worthless and trapped. You crave that magic feeling, that secret sauce you think you can’t find anywhere else. Martial artists, whether they’re in a healthy situation or not, often refer to their martial arts group as a “community” or “family”. You can’t leave family, can you?
Yes, you can.
I know what you’re going to ask: But aren’t respect for authority, hard work, and loyalty part of martial arts?
Yes, and that’s what can make a martial arts cult-like situation so insidious and hard to identify.
What To Do
First, make sure you are physically and psychologically safe. You don’t have to go back–I wish I had believed this during my lowest points. Second, if there are significant finances involved (i.e., a long-term contract or owner’s shares in the training facility) there may be a need to consult a financial specialist or attorney. Finally, share your story. You are not alone, and other people in your situation need to know they are not alone either.
Melanie has worked in the healthcare industry since 2004 and lives in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex.
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Thanks for writing this. I’ve been currently trying to get back into the pool of martial arts, and have been terrified of commiting to another school. Partially because of the experiences I’ve had at the last two schools I’ve worked at/trained at/apprenticed at. And part of my journey has been about sitting with myself about what I’ve experienced so I can quickly identify any red flags before joining a new school.
Thanks for reading. I’m glad you found it helpful or at least let you know you’re not alone in your experience. I think sometimes we’re so eager to belong or stick with a martial art we love that we’ll put up with bad behavior–not unlike a bad relationship. That’s wise to do some reflection on what you’ve learned and put yourself first next time. Best of luck!
Thank you for being a voice. I spent several years in martial art cult that’s doing horrific things to students and to the larger universe. The men are blatantly assaulting female students. The most disturbing part is that the « linage » has many women because their master was known hi exploit women. The women are trauma bonded and only care about power and not protecting new students from the spiritual rape and sexual assaults.
Oh bless you, I hope you are out of that situation and doing better. Martial Arts can have this air of being untouchable. They’re not sacred, nor are the human beings who practice them. I hope we can have a more balanced view going forward.
Hello,
I’m glad I stumbled upon this post. I’m an employee at a martial arts school. I used to really love the sport- that’s how all my coworkers started off. But after 5 years of training and 4 years of employment at my dojo, I’ve only grown to resent the sport. Employees are required to do a lot extra and do free work at tournaments. I have a soon-to-be coworker who’s 13 and was forced to judge all day at a tournament that took place a month ago. She was denied a lunch break. We’re required to do this “voluntary” work that none of us want to do, and we’re required to travel hours at times to go to these tournaments- none of it is compensated. I’m in Texas, and I find it absurd that my 14/15 year old coworkers can be forced to take a trip to a city, pay for a hotel, and then be forced to volunteer for 8-10 hours. Texas law states that a child of that age can’t work more than 8 hours on a non-school day, so this is unjust, in my opinion.
I recently realized that a majority of what I earn teaching is spent on these tournaments or instructor training of some sort. It’s honestly sad. I was under the illusion that I was saving money for college, since my savings went up in my bank account. But when I was a minor, my parents would pay for the tournament travel & expenses, and it would amount to almost my entire yearly salary.
I still work at the school and at this point I really hate my job. I love teaching kids, but I just don’t like working there. Not only does the job feel more like a liability, but my boss also has unpredictable mood swings that make it difficult to look forward to work. Somedays he’s harshly scolding our students and the employees, other days he’s super nice. But it feels like I *should* stay, though. You discussed this above, and that’s why this article resonated with me. I’m searching for a job at the moment, but it’s difficult without a highschool degree. I graduate in a few months, so I plan on pushing through a little bit longer and then saying goodbye.
Thank you for commenting! I am so sorry you’re going through this. This sounds a WHOLE LOT like my taekwondo experience. It takes a while to come to the sickening realization that you hate what you used to love. It’s painful. I know that feeling that you *should* stay. It took me 9 months to leave for good. I wrote about that process in real time on my blog littleblackbelt.com (look for 2018 articles – most of them are depressing, ha!). If you would like to talk more privately feel free to send me an email – mdgwrites (at) gmail.com
I found your blog and it was extremely interesting to read. I am a retired karate instructor who was ostracized from a cult-like group over a decade ago. I’ve just published my own tales called “The dark side of the belt”. Published through lulu.com- keep up the good work warning people about the risks of a martial arts life.
Lynne,
Thank you for your comment and reading the article. I’m sorry you had that experience. I will check out your work!
I got my black belt in a dojo very similar to the one you described.
The instructor even belittled my job in front of the class and hit on a fellow student sexually.
After I left I began doubting my black belt was even worth the paper it was printed on.
Luckily I found a good instructor who helped me overcome this mindset and helped my knowledge of the martial art I trained in.
Thanks for your comment, Ryan. I’m sorry you went through that but very glad you found a new place to train. I’m also much happier at my new, non-culty dojang.